Editor's Note:  This is the seventh piece in a series of stories shared by Gorillas to Gorillas as we all embark upon this new "season" in our lives. These certainly are unprecedented times, for young and old alike. Our hope is for Gorilla student-athletes, past and present, coaches and members of Gorilla Nation to read these pieces, awaken their Gorilla memories and then compose their own story to share with us. There is strength in numbers. 
 
Thoughts from a softball coach placed on the Covid-19 IR – without a playbook.

True story: Growing up, I would take lawn chairs, shoes, gloves, whatever items I could find in my garage, and arrange them on my driveway. I'd dribble around these "defenders" as the game clock counted down in my head with the game on the line. Why? I love the competition, the adrenaline, and the big moments that happen in games - even imaginary ones.

These days, I don't envision myself making the game-winning plays—I see our players making them. Game-saving catches, a backwards K with RISP to close out the game, a Gorilla chest pound coming into home plate after a dinger.

Every year around August, I begin daydreaming about the coming spring. About the special moments on the field, the energy in the dugout, and—let's be honest—W's. Unfortunately, this spring, the opportunities for those emotions to be felt in real life were limited.

In the first week without softball, I felt cheated. We were just turning a corner, winning eight of our last 12, and getting ready for our home opener. My mind started drifting to what could be with this team. And just like that, it was over. The best part of my day—spending time with the team—had vanished. I missed hearing my players' laughs in the locker room before practice, I missed walking into a hitting session with an energy my younger self would have found annoying: "Who's ready to hit today?!"

But these initial feelings of loss aren't my lasting ones. My mind had shifted from what could have been to what was. I'm thankful this unprecedented situation has allowed me to take a step back and remember a few highlights from our shortened season. Here are some of my favorites.

Cold Practice in the Plaster: In January, Coach Jen is hitting groundball sets to the INF/P/C and the energy is electric. Outfielders are running themselves through the clock and I stepped back and took it all in. In this very moment, the energy and passion for preparation, for one another, and for the game all came together. I thought to myself this team has IT.

After a Long Three-Team Scrimmage: I challenge the girls, "Hey, I know you're tired and we've been out here for a while, but let's finish with a little bit of conditioning. Pushing through right now will help us down the road." In my entire coaching career, I have never witnessed a group of girls give everything they had like they did that day. I looked at Coach Jen, a little choked up, and said, "They're all in."

Giving Back: In late November, eight of our players played in a slow pitch game with our local Special Olympics team. We were all reminded on that day how this game is bigger than us.

Supporting our Players: I find a great deal of satisfaction helping our players both on and off the field. In early January, I shared a tip that used to work for me in the classroom, and got this text: "…it's helped a lot! Thank you for helping me out when I was struggling." And after a trying day within our program, another player messaged: "Thank you for listening today. I love the things you've done this year for the team and me… Everything is going to keep rolling!" These are the player interactions I cherish.

Moments of Personal Growth: During our sexual harassment training with the baseball and volleyball teams, the presenter asked for volunteers for a skit. One of our freshmen raised her hand, and I couldn't help but smile. Why? Her goal for the year was to be more outgoing and focus on personal growth. This was one giant leap for her.  

Last Non-Conference Game: We won in extras in walk-off fashion (what dreams are made of, right?) and that bus ride home was unreal. So much joy felt amongst all of us. So much energy the interior of the bus actually read 97 degrees. We took "Hot in Here" to another level.  

A Place to Call Our Own: For the first time in a long time, Pitt State Softball had its own locker room. If those walls could talk, they would share stories of positivity, gratitude, vulnerability, and love for our players. We learned to bring out the best in each other between those walls.

The Super Bowl: I can't leave this one out. Watching the Chiefs win the Super Bowl for the first time in 50 years—while on our team bus. I may have run up and down the aisle a few times yelling something about KC being relentless.

As a competitor through and through, I can't help but wish we were out on the field. I miss those game day moments. But as I look back, these are the memories that fuel my bus with high-octane fuel, and will make it a year to remember.

To my team, I am thankful for the moments we shared together and our love for each passenger on this year's bus.

Be it, Feel it, Live it.

Coach Balazs
 
Ashley Balazs recently completed her third season as head softball coach at Pitt State, after spending three seasons as an assistant coach at NCAA Division I member Evansville University in Evansville, Ind. She is a native of Lenexa, Kansas, and played collegiately at NCAA Division II member Drury University.
 
Please share your own personal stories/thoughts via email to dwilkes@pittstate.edu. We want to share them! (PSU Athletics reserves the right to edit content for space and appropriateness. We cannot promise to publish every submission, but we will do our best.) Thanks Gorilla Nation!
 
Through the Eyes of a Gorilla Archives
Vol. I - Dan Wilkes, Associate AD/Communications (Apr. 3)
Vol. II - Levi Wyrick, Football/Track & Field Athlete (Apr. 7)
Vol. III - Amanda Davied, Women's Basketball Coach (Apr. 10)
Vol. IV - Chris Hanna, PSU Alum/Football Athlete (Apr. 13)
Vol. V - Jeff Moreland, PSU Alum/Football Athlete (Apr. 15)
Vol. VI - Emily Hanenberg, Volleyball Athlete (Apr. 17)